27.2.2013 “Confused And Unsteady”

Thoth does a nasal cleanse, makes coffee, writes, and watches tennis from Dubai. LA gets up at 10:45. She makes smoothies then wakes her sister Jamie. They all get ready to go out to the park. LA asks the neighbors in the back if Jamie can borrow the bike. “Sure, but it’s not been used for a while, so I don’t know if it will hold up,” Derek says. LA gets a pump out of Jim’s locker, and Derek helps LA and Jamie fill the tires with air. Jamie, LA and Thoth bike to to the park: LA in front, Jamie in the middle, and Thoth in the rear. At the park, Jamie lies on the grass while LA and Thoth set up. A woman in blue walks over and sits in the grass, waiting for the Dynamic Duo to start. LA’s mother calls to ask where they are. Jamie goes to get her while the Dynamic Duo begins “Anya.” The woman in blue gets up to watch them. Mom and Jamie come just before “Romanza” and sit down near a pillar. “How high was that?”  LA’s mom asks after the piece. “F?” “F, G, A, around there,” LA responds. “Amazing!” her mom says. A big crowd gathers. Jamie hands out cards. LA’s mom gives them a $20 tip. The Dynamic Duo finishes with the “C-Minor” and the “Wet Tango.” “That was the best I’ve ever heard you sing,” Jamie says. “Thanks for helping out,” Thoth says. LA and Thoth pack up. “Sissy could be our manager?” LA says. “She could dress in a pretty outfit and hand out cards

2 thoughts on “27.2.2013 “Confused And Unsteady”

  1. Mike

    I obviously know that Mom has a drinking issue, one I’m sure she neither asked for or particularly enjoys dealing with. I’m sure she can be inappropriate at times but It seems she made a huge effort to be with her girls.
    Where you paying her back for past digressions? It seemed like that to me and my observation is that you both won hands down- you certainly succeeded in making her look pretty foolish to every one of your readers.
    I’m sure you both feel that you have good reasons to do so and you probably do, but I for one, found it borderline bullying and hard to read. I don’t think that someone’s problems should be written about for everyone to see but maybe that’s just me.
    If one of my daughters ever made a comment like yours, LA, I can only guess at my reaction and it wouldn’t be a good one.
    As you know I read every word you’ve ever written together and this is the first time I’ve felt the need to say something negative.
    Sincerely,
    Mike from Boston

    1. thoth

      I tried to edit the blog as objectively as possible without cutting out things that explained many of our choices that day. As you know, our diary is a bare outline of the day. Had I intended to excoriate LA’s mother for past offenses, meanness, spreading malicious gossip about my sexuality and health, bullying her daughters, and public drunkenness, I would have disclosed the entire horror of her visit. Instead, it is just a compassionate expurgation (if that) of what happened. Perhaps because we lived through the experience, the blog seems to us to be completely understated, but obviously to you (who are viewing the experience from a more neutral place) it seems overstated or demonstrative. We could have left the mother out completely, however her presence, her influence on the day was like a blizzard to a ski trip. Everything about the day was about her, about LA and Jamie’s fear of her and her drunkenness. Although I have compassion for her, I don’t feel I need to subject myself to her toxic self-destructiveness or apologize for it through expurgation. I tried my best to keep away from her, and study and do my work. Alcoholism and the abuse of pharmaceuticals is just not the type of drama I want in my life. The whole thing was terribly sad. After what I experienced, I would have to agree. There is no bargaining with an alcoholic. If the mother wants the love and respect of her daughters again, she needs to fess up to her abuse and seek help. Until then, I think LA has pledged not to see her again. Jamie can be excessively cruel. Their comments in full you would not have liked reading at all. I did the best I could with a tragic and sad experience reminiscent of the monastery scene in Dostoevsky’s The Brother’s Karamazov.

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